Your eyes. Don’t even get me started. I could stare forever in those hazel eyes of yours. When we look into each others’ eyes, I feel like everything bad happening in my life has sizzled away. Your eyes wash away my fears, my pessimism, my self-doubt. You make me feel on top of the world. You make me feel like everything is okay.
Your smile. Not just your typical big smile, but your half-smile. The grin you display in the selfies you send to me. The smile that displays the two dimples nestled perfectly on your cheeks. The one where you can see your smile lines aligned right around your mouth, almost touching those dimples. The one that is worth a thousand stars.
Your heartbeat. The heartbeat that pounces so fiercely, yet is so calming. When I huddle into your chest, all I can hear are those soft, yet powerful flutters. How could a heart like yours, so perfect and beautiful sounding, have ever have been dysfunctional. I could listen to it all day.
Your hands. Those big hands that engulf my small little ones when they interlace. The ones that sit perfectly with mine after they somehow dance to each other after those playful tickle fights of ours. The ones that hold mine and make me feel stronger, and more connected. The ones that make me feel safe.
And for a moment every time when we’re alone I think to myself ‘can this be it‘. But then all the excitement and hopefulness washes away and I’m sitting back at square one, somehow knowing that we can never be.
But when the world comes crumbling down, and I mean every aspect of it, what are you supposed to do? Family problems? Think about the guy you might like or the relationship you might be in. Think about those good times. But what if that part of your world ends up falling apart too? Go to work and forget about your problems at least from 9-5. And what if work is a shitty place to be at that time too? Unfriendly and blameful coworkers? Rude and pushy managers? Personal discontent? Perhaps I can go out with my friends after and spend money of a stress-relieving shopping spree, is a common thought. But what if your friends are having their own issues? Or you don’t have anyone that you trust to confide in?
I never really understood why people tried to drink away their pain until this week. If you’re having a shitty time, what exactly are you expected to do? It was in that moment of weakness, having no one to turn to, that I felt empty. Felt like I had hit rock-bottom. The world is a terrible place to live in. People are terrible things to be around.
There is no one there to be there for you at the lowest point of your life, just remember that. Everyone leaves when times get rough. So when you’re looking for advice, look in the mirror. You are the only person you can trust. You are the only person that will be there for yourself 24/7. You are the only person that can climb yourself out of this terrible hole that the earth has put you in. You are better than them.
But for now, all you can think about is how shitty your life is, so just drink up. Cry if you have to. For now, just appreciate your rundown soul. It will be okay, I hope.
Now that, my friend, is the best reason to be on cloud 10, if it existed.